Going down on someone with a vagina can be intimidating. But if you’re attracted to pussy, eating someone out can be one of the hottest things in the entire universe. And that doesn’t even include how amazing it is for the person on the receiving end — in my experience, it can be better than getting a foot massage while eating homemade macaroni and cheese.
As a queer woman who sometimes eats pussy and sometimes eats semen (and often eats macaroni and cheese), going down on a vagina can be absolutely terrifying, even if you’re excited about the prospect. Vaginas are like snowflakes in that each one is special and unique, so whatever you do is not one-size-fits all.
That said, there are some basic techniques you can use if you’re a newbie and not sure where to start. Just make sure to communicate with your partner to see what they’re into before, during, and after the act. Ahead, I’ve compiled a list of strategies I’ve learned through my experience of both giving and receiving cunnilingus. You’ll be a pussy-eating pro in no time.
While we’re arguably more in control of and confident about our sexuality than ever, there’s still so much we don’t know about female arousal. So this month, we’re exploring everything you want and need to know about how women get turned on now. Check out morehere.
1) Ask them what they like.
First off: If you want to become a pro at eating your partner’s pussy, make sure you’re asking them what they like. Even if you’ve gone down on too many vaginas to count, it’s always a good idea to communicate, since preferences vary from person to person. If they’re not sure what they like best, experiment with various techniques and speeds and ask them to tell you what they like the best. This can be a super fun game — and in my experience, it totally works.
2) Get them wet first.
For the most part, it’s best to start with some foreplay before jumping into tongue-to-clit action so that your partner is turned on and relaxed. Eating vagina is a very up close and personal experience, and some women feel insecure about the look or smell of their vagina — even though all of them look and smell awesome, society hasn’t always been so nice about vaginas.
A good way to get your partner turned on and wet is to use your fingers on their clit. Some people may refer to clitoral stimulation as “flicking the bean,” but in my experience, that’s not really the most accurate description of how to do it. Instead, try rubbing the clit like a DJ. Take two to three fingers and make them nice and flat like a DJ would while spinning a record. Rub slowly in circles, increasing speed and intensity gradually.
Pay close attention to the sounds and facial expression your partner makes to learn their preferred speed and pressure (or just ask them). Keep in mind that the clitoris varies in sensitivity from person to person. Some enjoy direct stimulation (meaning: right on top), but others may think that’s too intense. In that case, try the DJ move right above their clit instead. When you can tell they’re really turned on and ready (you can also simply ask them), move your face on down to vagina town.
4) Start licking the clit.
Start nice and slow, and change speed, intensity, and location by taking stock of their body language and expressions of pleasure (or again, just ask them). Preference varies from person to person, but if you don’t know where to start, try upward licks, lifting from the base of the tongue and gliding upwards along the clitoris.
While it can be sexy to lick their labia and kiss their inner thighs, orgasms from oral sex typically happen from clitoral stimulation. So, if your goal is getting them to orgasm, keep your attention focused there once you really get going. If your partner is about to have a clitoral orgasm and you stop to try something fancy you saw in a porn video, the disruption could cause the momentum — and their climax — to be lost.
5) Make eye contact.
I’ve heard some people with vaginas say that they get nervous when someone is going down on them and looks up to make eye contact. However, in my opinion, this is really hot and important. When you’re going down on someone and look up at them and lock eyes, not only is it intensely intimate and sexy, but it also allows you to check in with them and gauge their facial expression.
Try this: With your tongue on their clit, place one hand on their stomach to get their attention, and then raise your head slightly to lock eyes.
6) Get your face in there.
Something I’ve noticed in a lot of pussy-eating porn videos: Porn performers use these long, lapping tongue strokes that remind me of a dog drinking water. They do this for the camera’s sake, since it’s hot to see the action of the tongue hitting the clit. In real life, however, you want to really get your face up in there. While bigger tongue strokes can be a nice tease in the beginning, for more intense (and climactic) pressure, it’s important to actually stick your mouth on your partner’s vaginal opening and enjoy the smell and taste of their vagina.
If you want to add your hands back in, try this: While your face is shoved between your partner’s thighs, go back to DJ-ing their clit with one hand, and use your tongue to part their inner labia to prepare for penetration.
7) Use fingers.
Add the joy of dual internal and clitoral pleasure by penetrating your partner with your fingers while you go down on them. For anyone who also has oral sex with people with penises: Think of this like using hands during a blowjob — it’s important.
While pleasuring your partner’s clit with your tongue, you can keep one hand on their thigh or stomach for comfort, and use your other hand for penetration. Start with one finger, slowing gliding in and out and applying pressure to the anterior wall. After you’ve started with one finger, move on to two or three. Some people with vaginas enjoy being fisted while receiving oral sex. Watch how their body reacts to the use of one finger and increase in increments to find out what they like best (or just ask them).
8) Don’t forget about the rest of their body.
While we do want to give the clitoris most of the attention during oral sex, to help your partner feel comfortable, don’t forget about the rest of their body. Remind them that this is an intimate experience that you’re present for by kissing and stroking the inside of their thighs and reaching up to place a hand on their stomach, thighs, or breast. If you and your partner are into rowdier play (and have discussed boundaries), try grabbing their thighs and pulling their legs over your shoulders while you go down on them.
9) Try switching positions.
The position most associated with cunnilingus is what I refer to as “missionary oral sex,” when the receiving partner lies down on their back and the giving partner is face-down between their legs. It’s a great position to start with, as it’s super comfy and feels familiar.
Another great go-to position is face-sitting, which is when the giving partner lies on their back and the receiving partner straddles their face. This can be especially enjoyable for the giving partner, as they are able to fully taste, smell, and experience their partner’s vagina. If you’re having sex with someone who is more adventurous, you can try having your partner bend over (“doggy-style oral sex”). While this is certainly not for the bashful — some people get shy about having their privates sticking up in the air — it can be a hot transition into rimming (if you’re ready to take it there).
10) Make them cum.
Like I said, if you’re goal is to get your partner to orgasm ASAP, focus on licking the clit. But sometimes, it doesn’t always happen quickly, and that’s okay. If you’re getting tired and your tongue just can’t lick any longer, you can either use your hands or break out a vibrator to help finish the job.
That said, while an orgasm tends to be the goal of oral sex, there’s no need for you or your partner to feel pressured to make that happen. Whether or not a climax is involved, oral sex can be totally pleasurable, and it can increase intimacy between partners. What’s important is that you made a solid and communicative effort to make your partner feel good. An orgasm is simply the cherry on the top of an already delicious dessert.