Some men feel like getting their female partner to orgasm is more of a challenge than a moment of sexual intimacy. Research has discovered that women don’t necessarily reach their climax during sexual penetration.
According to Dr. Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., author of The Normal Bar women are not built to reach orgasm solely from sexual intercourse. “The clitoris is where all the nerve endings are — except for the cervix — and there are almost none in the barrel of the vagina,” she says. But to get to mind blowing orgasm, women may want to start by being open with their partners and instructing them how to get them there. Take it from these women who are having less than stellar sex with their lovers.
His equipment is too big which is great for intercourse but it doesn’t help with reaching climax.
If he is also larger than expected, he may not be getting near clitoral stimulation. Caitlin, 25, can’t relax enough to consider other options to get there. “My husband is just way, way too big down there. I put up with it but I’ve never orgasmed with him. Mostly because I’m in so much pain that’s all I can focus on,” she reveals.
The average women needs approximately 10 to 15 minutes of foreplay, oral, and manual sex to orgasm.
Helena’s and her husband’s ideal of sex is at odds, making the experience less than pleasurable. “I really crave some nice slow sex, but he’s having none of that. He just wants to pound me as hard as he can, and it’s way too rough to be pleasurable. I don’t know what comes over him,” she admits.
For women, orgasm is reached during oral sex.
Wanda, aged 25, reveals why her husband can’t give her an orgasm: “For as long as I can remember, the only time I’ve ever been able to orgasm is if a guy goes down on me. But apparently my husband is ‘too good for that.’ So no orgasms for me,” says 25-year-old Wanda.
Just like being too big is a problem so is being too small.
Trisha knows from personal experience just how much his small package is the reason behind her lack of stellar lovemaking. “My husband is not very well-endowed down there. But bless his heart, he tried his best. Maybe one of these days he will manage to give me an orgasm. But after 7 years of marriage, it’s not looking good,” says the 30-year-old.
The average time for sex is about 5.4 minutes.
Linda’s husband may be suffering from erectile dysfunction which leads to short-lived sex sessions. It doesn’t help that this topic is not even discussed at home. “He just doesn’t last long enough. No more than two minutes, and he’s finished off with me. I’m left completely unsatisfied. And I don’t want to bring it up, because he’s really self conscious about his premature ejaculation,” says Linda, 32.
He is the one calling the shots and the only one satisfied.
In order to have a healthy sexual relationship, both parties have to be happy and satisfied. It will never work if it’s one-sided. “My husband is obsessed with blowjobs. That’s literally all he wants to do. I go along with it, but I haven’t had an orgasm for years. He says it’s because he doesn’t want to get me pregnant,” says Rebecca, 28.
It’s totally normal to try new sex positions as long as you are both game.
You don’t have to try every position from the Kama Sutra. Master reaching climax rather than trying out for the Olympic gymnastics team. “How the hell am I supposed to orgasm when I’m in the most uncomfortable positions ever?” says 24-year-old Daria. “He wants me to get into the most advanced positions known to man. I’m more concerned about whether I’m going to pull a muscle than whether or not I’m going to orgasm!”
Women need to get past the shame of what gives them sexual satisfaction.
Ruth, 28, understands her body well-enough to know what gets her to climax. Nonetheless, societal taboos keeps her from revealing what she likes. “I have a really dark and embarrassing secret. The only thing that can give me an orgasm is anal sex. I have no idea why. But I’m too scared to ask my husband for it because he will think I’m a slut,” she worries.
For some women, it’s not a man that gets her there.
Nerve endings are stimulated by different types of touches.
No one knows your body better than you.
It is completely natural and actually amazing to know your body so well you don’t need a partner to get you there. Nothing weird about that.
Medication prescribed to treat mental illness have been known to decrease sex drive in men and women.
Everything from decreased sexual drive, impotence in men, delayed orgasm or non-existent, to losing feeling in the vagina, and nipples. Every case differs. Discussing it with your doctor may prompt for a lower dosage, change of medication, and sex therapy are some options.
There is a very strong reason why sex toys like vibrators sell like hot cakes.
A study conducted by the Berman Women’s Wellness Center found that women who use vibrators tend to orgasm easier. This may not be a sex toy but as long as it works for her, who’s to judge?
Sometimes it’s not him or you that’s the problem.
A study found that lesbians experience more orgasm than heterosexual women or lesbians. Scientists suggest this may be because they don’t depend on penetration to reach climax.
Don’t rely on the missionary or cowgirl position only.
Unless you try different positions, you won’t find out what it is exactly that makes you reach climax.
Some women need more stimulation to orgasm.
Hilda Hutcherson, author of Pleasure gives a tip to women; place a warm towel over the vulva, this will increase blood flow and lubrication in the area.
Speak up if you are not sexually satisfied.
Don’t give up on your sex life without speaking with a sex therapist.
Sex therapists exist for a reason, everyone needs a little bit of help and that is totally norma;.
Sexual abuse victims often deal with the after effects even decades after it happened.
Depression, flashbacks, and post-traumatic stress disorder are just some of the roadblocks victims face on a daily basis. Inevitably, intimate and sexual relationships suffer. Seeking professional can help survivors have healthy sexual experiences.
“There are women who are able to have vaginal orgasms, which interestingly are different mechanisms than clitoral orgasms,” says Dr. Lauren Streicher, author of Sex Rx: Hormones, Health, and Your Best Sex Ever and sexual health expert.
There is too much pressure and expectation put on sexual penetration.
“I would like to have the emphasis taken off having an orgasm during penetration,” says Dr. Streicher.
Most women experience their first orgasm while masturbating.
Orgasms are nothing scary but rather joyous. A little alone time may be the best way to finally know what an orgasm feels like.
Guys are so in the moment, they are not counting how many cellulites you have.
No guy is going to want to have sexual intimacy if he wasn’t into you in the first place.
Clitoral orgasms are commonly reached manually or with a vibrator.
You may want to do it alone, or make it part of the experience with your partner. Teach him how to use his hands and the vibrator.
The UK’s 2009 National Survey of Sex and Behaviour found that 94 per cent of women found they reached orgasm when they had anal sex.
“The clitoris is shaped like a wishbone, and for many women the clitoris extends all the way down to the anus. During anal penetration, you’re also stimulating the clitoral legs. And for men, the nerve that goes to the penis and scrotum also goes to the anus,” says CEO of My Secret Luxury, Stacy Rybchin.
It’s totally ok to act out your sexual fantasies.
Sarah, 27, cares for her boyfriend but that doesn’t mean she is happy with what he’s bringing to the bedroom. “My boyfriend is a really nice guy… And that’s the problem. I need a man who can dominate me in bed and give it to me hard. That’s honestly the only way I orgasm,” she confesses.